


The heart get no sleep

by holdingbreaths



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Boyfriends, Canon Compliant, Confused boys, Cute, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Short One Shot, Texting, chapter 320-1, one night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingbreaths/pseuds/holdingbreaths
Summary: (23:51) Why are you so mean to meee, XiXi!!!!sent by JY(23:53) I kinda think you like it.sent by ZZX(23:54) At least a bit?sent by ZZXWas he flirting? Is it even flirting if you’re maybe sort of already dating the boy?Jian Yi can’t be his boyfriend. Zheng Xi was pretty sure there were steps between being friends and being boyfriends that they skipped if that was true.[Jian Yi is typing]No. Fuck this.(23:55) BRB Mom calling.sent by ZZXRight. Now he feels bad for lying to his boyfriend.
Relationships: Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 123





	The heart get no sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [The heart get no sleep](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043597) by [Efa_de_Foks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Efa_de_Foks/pseuds/Efa_de_Foks)



> Translation to [Russian](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043597?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#main) by the lovely Efa_de_Foks.
> 
> Hey!  
> So yeah, first time writing for this fandom, but I've been here since the dawn of day. I'm very vocal about ZZX and JY needing more love from the fandom, so I hope y'all get some joy from those soft, soft boys.  
> Canon compliant up to chapter 321. It mentions something that happened in chapter 320, so please be aware of spoilers.

(23:27) You up? _sent by JY_

He would have to admit to it sooner or later.

I mean, things were getting absurd by now. Worse: the current state of affairs was taking a turn for the ridiculous, and even though his long friendship with Jian Yi would most probably argue otherwise, Zhan Zheng Xi made a habit of avoid looking ridiculous in his day-to-day life.

Anyway. His day-to-day life.

His day-to-day life _with Jian Yi_. Zhan Zheng Xi eats, plays, studies, shops, does everything with the other boy, and now, apparently, take long walks while holding hands – and shares late night texts, but the texts at least are not a new development. It was becoming undeniable that this thing with Jian Yi had long passed the unrequited feelings and ventured right into relationship status.

Ugh. Relationship.

(23:43) You seriously gonna leave ya boy on read? _sent by JY_

Fuck.

(23:44) No, man, sorry. Got distracted. You okay? _sent by ZZX_

Zheng Xi turns in bed, trying to find a better position to not-sleep for the next hour. How did it get to this point? He tries to remember when it all went sideways. Things happened in the following order:

1\. They were friends, Jian Yi was his best friend. Zheng Xi couldn’t remember a time when they weren’t friends, and he was absolutely conscious that their friendship had molded both of their lives and the way they interact with the rest of the world.

(Mostly, Zheng Xi knew part of his introvert act was a direct response to always having Jian Yi so close. He did not have to reach out, since Jian Yi would speak enough for both of them. Dread took Zheng Xi over as he considered what life without Jian Yi would be like, if they ever parted. How would he deal with the quietness? How would he ever interact with other people? That was Jian Yi’s job – without his constant annoying chatter, Zheng Xi would never get to really know He Tian or Mo Guan Shan or anyone else, really.)

2\. Puberty came with some awkward moments, thank you, but that was pretty much puberty for you.

3\. Zheng Xi could sense something was wrong and that Jian Yi was getting so awkward around him that not even the worse puberty could justify it anymore.

4\. Jian Yi kissed him????? ???? ?????? ? ? (!) ???????????? That was something????? That happened????? In Real Life?????

5\. They talked. Sort of. Zheng Xi asked. Sort of. Jian Yi confessed. No sort of about it. He confessed. Period.

6\. Zheng Xi decided to be a mature, gentle, kind, superior species of teenage boy and don’t freak out about his best friend being in love with him.

(He had a conversation with himself that day. A stern, serious conversation. “You won’t be a fuck boy about this”, he said to himself. “It’s just Jian Yi. There’s nothing about him you don’t know as deeply as you know yourself. It’s just your best friend. Be decent.” Then he glared at himself, with the help of a mirror. He had a pretty scary glare, he knew. It worked – it wasn’t the first or the last time he would use his glare to prevent anyone from hurting Jian Yi.)

7\. Their relationship updated from “mutual-friendship-with-a-secret” to “unrequited-love-but-it’s-okay-because-XiXi-is-not-an-asshole”. It wasn’t exactly a wonderful development but Zheng Xi thought that at least now he had a good grip on what was happening and how to behave: he just had to be careful about the things he said and how he acted so he wouldn’t hurt Jian Yi unnecessarily. And that was that.

Only, hm. Things got a little murkier from that point on. Actually, that’s the point where Zheng Xi lost track of what the fuck was happening between him and Jian Yi. Fuck.

(23:50) How you like them apples? Left you on read for 6 whole minutes, bitch. _sent by JY_

(23:50) How you like them what? The fuck? How old are you? _sent by ZZX_

Okay, yeah, wait. There was a point. Zheng Xi remembers making the decision of not causing unnecessary jealousy on Jian Yi. He would not date around just to have a pretty girl hanging from his arm: it would be meaningless and unnecessarily cruel. He would not be that person.

Only, the quiet refusal he gave pretty, precious Xiao Hui turned, without Zheng Xi really deciding on it, into a small admission of already being in a relationship. Zheng Xi wasn’t stupid, he could hear how he sounded, and mostly his words came down to “I already have someone, thanks, but no, thanks”. He didn’t have someone. He had a best friend. Still, as the words stumbled out of his mouth, he didn’t stutter or hesitated in claiming Jian Yi as his…

Well…

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

“Ugh!” he groans into his pillow. Okay, good thing: he didn’t say the word boyfriend aloud. Not in as many syllables.

(“He’s someone who cannot be replaced.” Really, Zheng Xi? Really? You be fucking with words like that and pretending you’ve not just admitted to a random chick you’re dating your best friend? He’s such an asshole sometimes.)

(23:51) Why are you so meeeeeeeeeeeeann to meeeeee, XiXi!!!! _sent by JY_

(23:53) You deserve it. _sent by ZZX_

(23:53) Also… I kinda think you like it. _sent by ZZX_

(23:54) At least a bit? _sent by ZZX_

Oh, god. Was he flirting? Can that be considered flirting? Is it even flirting if you’re maybe sort of already dating the boy? Zheng Xi thinks he should be seriously freaking out about this, but the thing is: he spent his whole time on this earth perfecting the cool, untouchable vibes he wears every day. He can’t freak out, he doesn’t have the emotional range to do it. He doesn’t have the facial expressions necessary. He would have to get a different haircut or something.

Besides, Jian Yi can’t be his boyfriend. Zheng Xi was pretty sure there were steps between being friends and being boyfriends that they skipped if that was true.

[ _Jian Yi is typing_ ]

No. Fuck this.

Breaking several laws of physics and the speed of sound, Zheng Xi finishes typing before Jian Yi gets a turn:

(23:55) BRB Mom calling. _sent by ZZX_

Right. Now he feels bad for lying to his boyfriend.

He decides he might make it at least a half true and gets up, cowardly choosing not to bring his phone with him. He finds his mom scrolling through Weibo by the kitchen table, instead of using the phone in her bed like a normal human being.

“Hey, love. I thought you were sleeping already. Or pretending to sleep so you can talk to your mysterious friends.”

“I don’t have mysterious friends.” He shrugs. She might???? Help???? Maybe??? She’s mom????? “I just have Jian Yi.”

“Sure you do! Every teenage have them. They are either their drug dealer or a girlfriend.” She smiles at her phone, completely unworried.

“There’s just Jian Yi.” As an afterthought, Zheng Xi adds: “He doesn’t sell drugs.”

In her defense, she doesn’t stop scrolling immediately, even though Zheng Xi can tell she’s not reading her screen anymore. She keeps smiling. His mom is a saint.

Did he just come out to his mom? He’s not sure there’s anything to tell her. They held hands.

“We held hands.” He says aloud, without any inflection. “When we were walking home. Earlier.”

His mom laughs right in his face, because no, she won’t help.

“Oh god, really? Do you want me to reach his family, do we have to prepare your dowry or something? Find a couple of fat chickens, maybe start looking for your red clothes?”

Zheng Xi seats down heavily in the kitchen chair, his face unamused: “Ha. Ha.”

“Oh, I know, love.” His mom shows a softer smile at least, reaching for his hand. “I’m glad you’re comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I know Jian Yi is very important to you. To be honest I… thought things had long progressed from hand holding.”

Zheng Xi quietly considers it. That’s the thing about it, isn’t it? Holding hands seems like the silliest thing. It’s probably the most forward, undeniable sign that they really are dating. Somehow, it doesn’t encompass the whole ‘he might already be my boyfriend’ issue. How to explain it?

“I think we might be in a relationship.”

His mom’s laughter is even louder, she throws her head back and smacks the table, and if that wakes Zi Qian, Zheng Xi is totally fleeing the scene.

“You think? That’s precious, baby. Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’m just teasing you. You are both very young. Just enjoy being with him. And be careful with his heart, that boy is way more sensitive than you might think.”

Doesn’t he know it. Sometimes Jian Yi is so vulnerable Zheng Xi thinks he might break the boy just with the sheer force of his fondness.

“And you’re not…” for the first time in this conversation, Zheng Xi feels a bit wrong footed. But well, he supposes the worst part is over, anyway. “… you know? You’re not… with the whole… boy thing?”

“Oh, because you’re both boys?” His mom waves a hand, going immediately back to her phone. “I don’t give a fuck, A-Xi. Now go back to your room, I can hear you phone going off and it’s annoying. Jian Yi must be worried.”

She’s smiling, though, clearly pretending to be immersed on Weibo. Zheng Xi kisses her forehead: she might be better than he deservers.

(Why did she ask for a girlfriend if she knew about him and Jian Yi, anyway? Zheng Xi swallows the question, because he’s afraid the answer might be “To fuck with you” and he’s not ready to break their tender moment yet.)

Anyway. Time to get back on their bullshit.

*

(23:55) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO _sent by JY_

(23:56) THAT’S NOT FAIR, YOU COME BACK HERE, MISTER! _sent by JY_

(23:56) HOW CAN YOU FLIRT SHAMELESS LIKE THAT AND GO AWAY?????????? _sent by JY_

(23:57) I fucking hate you. _sent by JY_

(23:57) (☍﹏⁰)｡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･(>д<)･ﾟﾟ･｡ (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥)

(00:01) No, seriously, I fucking hate you, you’re a coward _sent by JY_

(00:02) Also, good morning. _sent by JY_

(00:02) And yeah _sent by JY_

(00:03) I do sorta of like it when you tease me _sent by JY_

Jesus. Okay. First things first.

(00:11) Good morning to you too. _sent by ZZX_

(00:11) You still up? _sent by ZZX_

(00:12) Sure. _sent by JY_

Ugh. Zheng Xi braces himself. Well. A boyfriend, right?

(00:13) You really mad at me? _sent by ZZX_

(00:13) Maybe. _sent by JY_

The best defense sometimes means you have to attack your opponent or maybe just distract your boy.

(00:14) Why? I can’t flirt with you? _sent by ZZX_

(00:15) THAT’S NOT IT AT ALL _sent by JY_

(00:15) Oh? So I should flirt more? _sent by ZZX_

(00:16) I hate you _sent by JY_

(00:16) I thought you “sorta of liked” me. Or at least my teasing. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) _sent by ZZX_

(00:17) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _sent by JY_

(00:17) NO WINKY FACE FROM YOU, SIR! YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED WINKY FACES! _sent by JY_

(00:18) Okay, then how about (‘ε’)??? _sent by ZZX_

(00:19) NO THAT’S EVEN WORSE _sent by JY_

(00:20) You’ll make him sad (╥ε╥) _sent by ZZX_

(00:20) That doesn’t even work, that’s nothing _sent by JY_

(00:21) Now you’re just being hurtful. _sent by ZZX_

(00:22) Sorry, I promise to be more supportive of your kissy faces in the future. _sent by JY_

Zheng Xi is in the middle of considering if sending the meme “Bitch, me too. The fuck.” is an acceptable answer when Jian Yi brusquely changes the subject.

(00:23) What were you distracted about? _sent by JY_

(00:23) What? _sent by ZZX_

[Message forwarded] (23:44) No, man, sorry. Got distracted. You okay? _sent by ZZX_

(00:24) What were you doing? _sent by JY_

(00:24) Thinking about you. _sent by ZZX_

The answer is typed automatically, and Zheng Xi only thinks about what it might imply later. Hell. He has a tab open on his phone with the search “emoticon kissy faces” with the hope those would be ridiculous enough to earn him forgiveness. There is not exactly too much room for deniability left.

(00:25) Oh. _sent by JY_

(00:25) For real? Or you just flirting? _sent by JY_

(00:25) For real. _sent by ZZX_

(00:26) …but I might also be flirting. _sent by ZZX_

(00:27) What were you thinking about? _sent by JY_

(00:28) Wondering when you gonna start flirting back??????? _sent by ZZX_

(00:28) I have been???????????????????? ???????? ???????????????? _sent by JY_

(00:29) ?????????????????????? ?????????????????? ?????????????????????? _sent by ZZX_

(00:30) You touching yourself when you thinking about me? _sent by JY_

(00:30) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _sent by ZZX_

(00:30) What? You said flirt back! _sent by JY_

(00:31) THAT’S NOT FLIRTING. _sent by ZZX_

(00:32)… you gonna answer? _sent by JY_

(00:33) Maybe. _sent by ZZX_

(00:34) Maybe you were touching yourself or maybe you gonna answer? _sent by JY_

(00:35) I wasn’t fapping, you dick. _sent by ZZX_

(00:37) Okay, so what were you thinking about? _sent by JY_

(00:37) You. Us. _sent by ZZX_

Full disclosure, Zheng Xi. It might get you somewhere.

(00:38) Holding hands today. _sent by ZZX_.

(00:38) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _sent by JY_

(00:39) It felt so good!!!!!! _sent by JY_

Zheng Xi smiles at his phone screen, feeling like the silliest boy in China, feeling too young and too raw and maybe too in love. He figures Jian Yi deserves the same bubbly happiness he was giving him, fair is fair.

(00:40) It did. _sent by ZZX_.

(00:40) Felt good, that is. It did. _sent by ZZX_

It still wasn’t enough, was it? But he was never good at talking. Jian Yi knew him. He was either going to understand it or always be disappointed in this thing, and Zheng Xi was dearly hoping the other was wise enough not to hope for him to change.

(00:41) Were you gonna kiss me? _sent by JY_

Zheng Xi almost dropped his phone, but Jian Yi wasn’t done.

(00:41) Today, I mean. _sent by JY_

(00:41) If your sister _sent by JY_

(00:42) didn’t call. _sent by JY_

(00:42) Later. _sent by JY_

(00:43) Were you gonna kiss me? _sent by JY_

(00:43) You don’t have to answer that. _sent by JY_

(00:44) I don’t know. _sent by ZZX_

It was the truest answer he could give Jian Yi, but it felt inadequate. Maybe because Zheng Xi was honestly trying to take them out of this gray, not-exactly-together, area. It felt counterproductive to leave things like that – even though kissing hasn’t even crossed his mind at that moment, even though it was more than enough to accelerate his heart the feeling of Jian Yi’s fingers pressing against his… he had to move forward or they would be forever chasing their own tails.

(00:45) I wanted to, though. _sent by ZZX_

Jian Yi had been typing, but he immediately stopped. Zheng Xi figured it was all right. Things were out in the open, and Jian Yi had long ago made himself vulnerable in no uncertain terms. He could deal with waiting on the other a little bit.

(00:51) XiXi. Can I ask you something. _sent by JY_

(00:52) Shoot. _sent by ZZX_

(00:52) You don’t have to answer. _sent by JY_

(00:53) Not gonna leave ma boy on read. _sent by ZZX_

(00:53) FUCK. Okay. Stop being so much for just a sec. _sent by JY_

(00:54) Sorry. _sent by ZZX_.

Another pause.

(00:57) You gonna ask? _sent by ZZX_

(00:57) In a sec. _sent by JY_

(00:57) No rush. _sent by ZZX_

(01:00) It’s one am _sent by JY_

(01:01) …you already gave me good morning. _sent by ZZX_

(01:01) Yeah. Are we boyfriends? _sent by JY_

There it was. The step missing. The moment when all would be clarified, the undeniable mark of the beginning of _something else_ , the words that would be impossible to take back. It could possible change the way Zheng Xi understands his own identity, his own sexuality, who he is in this world. It could – should – change the relationship between them. Their friendship, their touches, their proximity, their intimacy. This moment could change everything. A single text could, would change…

…probably nothing. They’ve been dating for a long time now. There was only one possible answer, that didn’t took more than one minute to type:

(01:02) Of course we are fucking boyfriends, you idiot. Go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow. _sent by ZZX_

**Author's Note:**

> So!  
> 1\. The title is from a great song by Tokio Hotel;  
> 2\. I've been going back and foward with how I should write Zheng Xi's name. I chose to write as it is written in the 19 days' wiki, instead of ZhengXi or Zhengxi.  
> 3\. If you know me from other fandoms, I've not yet found the time to go back to my projects. I'm sorry about that.  
> 4\. I know its unrealistic that Jian Yi texts with pontuation and not without a million mistakes, but I'm making the choice of not turning this into an completely horrible reading (the mistakes I naturally make since English is not my first language are quite enough, I believe)
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is love!


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